Kick me while I'm down

So H1 saunters over to me just now, holding out his hand, saying "Look Mum. Something on my thumb. There's something on my thumb." I do my maternal duty and act very interested, looking closely and trying hard to work out what it is. I reach out and use my fingernails to try to remove said object from H1's thumb when he says "Ha ha, I got a boogie!"

Well fuck a duck. Just what I needed to add some cheer. I'll admit, I thought he was much too young for such pranks.

Yay for little boys.

Indulge me, ok?

I've replied to a few blogs today and been a little intrigued to see what sort of compilations the Word Verification comes up with.

I'm blue today. Indulge me by replying (with anything you like) and tell me what your Word Verification is/was.

Onwards and upwards...

No dessert for me, thanks

No, I'm not on a diet. I just didn't much feel like it. Why? Well, gee. You be the judge.

This was one of the dessert options at the Japanese restaurant I dined at with friends last night.

What on earth were they thinking?!?

Forgive my atrocious laziness...

... but I stole this one from Melissa who also stole it. ;) Word has it that you bold everything you have done.


1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars.
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited The Great Barrier Reef.
5. Stood under the stars in the outback, the real outback – think Uluru.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to the Gold Coast’s theme parks – anyone, you take your pick.
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sung a solo. Ahh, I belt a heady solo at karaoke bars...
11. Bungee jumped, jumped out of plane, been paragliding or hang-gliding, hot air ballooning – you get the idea, you’ve been hundreds of metres about earth in a seemingly flimsy contraption.
12. Visited Melbourne.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
15. Had a child. Raised a child. Worked with children.
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Been to the Snowy Mountains.
18. Grown your own vegetables.
19. Visited the Brett Whitely studio in Surry Hills, Sydney.
20. Slept on an overnight train or bus. Well, tossed and turned (and whined) anyway.
21. Had a pillow fight. And always in my lingerie!!! :P
22. Been backpacking.
23. Taken a mental health day.
24. Been buried in sand with just your head and toes sticking out. Toes buried too, though.
25. Held a possum, kangaroo or koala – or any other native Australian animal.
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Been in a fun run. Hell no. Fun run is an oxymoron in my world.
28. Been on the Blue Mountain cableway.
29. Seen a total eclipse.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Played, or watched, summer cricket.
32. Sailed, kayaked or canoed our beautiful waterways.
33. Seen the Daintree.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.
35. Visited an Aboriginal settlement or mission.
36. Learned a new language.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Toured the Sydney Opera House.
39. Tried rock climbing (indoor or outdoor), abseiling or just simple bush walking.
40. Visit Queensland’s Gallery of Modern Art.
41. Been to the Tamworth Country Music Festival.
42. Sunbaked at Bondi.
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant.
44. Visited Broome.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted.
48. Gone fishing.
49. Seen Tasmania’s old growth forests.
50. Been to the top of Q1, on the Gold Coast.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theatre.
55. Been in a movie.
56. Driven the Great Ocean Road.
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Norfolk Island.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Guide biscuits.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Got flowers for no reason. Technically "no reason" but surely being me is reason enough? :P
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma.
65. Gone jet boating.
66. Visited Port Arthur.
67. Bounced a cheque.
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favourite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Australian War Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt.
73. Stood in Federation Square.
74. Been on the Murray River.
75. Been fired from a job. Hey, it was one of those mutual decision things. He pissed me off, I bopped him. We agreed it was best if I left. Whaddayagunnado???
76. Travelled, or climbed, over the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
79. Seen the Three Sisters at Echo Point, Katoomba.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited St Mary’s Cathedral, in Sydney.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Been to Hermannsburg.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited Parliament House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox.
89. Saved someone’s life. Does calling the emergency services count or is it a "bare hands" thing?
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous.
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Saved a pet.
95. Been to the site of the Eureka Stockade.
96. Swum in The Whitsundays.
97. Been involved in a lawsuit.
98. Owned a mobile phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.
100. Read an entire book in one day.

Hey Gateway Guy

I'm sitting here now wondering if I did the right thing. How could I ever know? As we headed north across the Gateway Bridge tonight, I looked ahead to see your car, pulled into and stopped in the left hand lane and you, standing upright, alongside the bridge railings. They're high railings and initially you were nowhere near danger. I thought to myself "Fucking schoolies" as we neared your position but in that split second you had managed to pull yourself much higher, so that you were bunched in a heap, right at the top of the bars.

I rubbernecked my way by you and it hit me very suddenly that you were there to do a job. We were almost at the airport by the time the police had taken my details and those I had on you. Strange that I could remember so well what you were wearing, what you'd driven there and even how old you looked. I was able to pinpoint for them which part of the bridge you were on.

Dad and I continued on to the airport to collect Mum, discussing all the while what your situation may have been. As far as we knew, there was still a chance you were clowning about with a car full of friends watching on.

We'd not even fully left the airport grounds when we looked up at the bridge to see it lit up like a Christmas tree; flashing blue and red lights all along the crest. Oh, the nervous feeling in my stomach was overwhelming. I figured we could basically count on you being dead if your car was still there.

We slowed with the rest of the cars nearing the scene and I was amazed (and really glad) at how quickly they'd put together two ambulances, a fire engine, at least five police cars along with some unmarked vehicles too. There, amongst the gathering officers, crouched and gripping the bars from the other side, I saw you. What I felt was near elation; I felt as if I'd saved you with my own hands (which is absolutely ridiculous since you'd yet to be "saved" at that point anyway). How wonderful that they'd reached you in time! But then...

Who was I to put a stop to that? How was it ok for me to step in and change your plan when you were evidently serious enough to have gotten that far in the first place? I know your loved ones would be so relieved, so grateful, but it's not about them, right? I'm so torn. On the one hand I tell myself that tomorrow could be a whole other day for you and you might think "Thank fuck for that chick driving by" but what if it isn't? What if tomorrow is just another day in hell for you; another day of darkness and heartache and sheer distress? Maybe this wasn't even the first time you'd reached such a point and in my interference, I've merely prolonged your misery. I'll never know, either, and already it plagues me. I don't even know if they managed to talk you around or if you did eventually let go. Maybe you're still hanging there, undecided.

I'm so sorry. I hope like hell that you're in somebody's arms right now, being told how beautiful you are and how it is going to be ok. I hope you don't hate me forever and wish I'd merely driven by and left you to it. Forgive me, please; I just couldn't.

No, I really mean it;

Am I the only one who thinks Carl Williams looks remarkably like Ralph Wiggum from The Simpsons?

Just try and deny it.

One down...

So, as most of us do, I have a list of things I absolutely should and need to do. They're those things that you're possibly not fond of, don't have time for, or just plain slip your mind.

On my list for some time has been a full skin check for melanoma/cancer. Wife of one, mother of two, casual working woman = not a lot of spare time; you know the drill... But... My beautiful friend Ellie recently had a bit of a run in with the scalpel and very kindly reminded me of just how important these things are.

Fast forward to today, Fathership and I are booked together because I have issues with being locked in a strange room, alone with a strange man. It's just one of my creep out triggers. I decide to go first because I am very brave and so skulk in wearing my little undies and a bra covered with a wraparound towel. Well, a fat lot of good the towel did me; it was ripped off almost immediately. And as if I didn't feel vulnerable enough, the bloke eyeballing me through a massive magnifying glass with fluorescent light attached didn't do much to lower my blood pressure either.

Oh, did I mention that he started with my head? I'm sitting on the edge of the bed while he stands before me, scratching and mussing my hair about like a fucking chimpanzee! The ol' latex gloves didn't feel too flash either with their rubberness catching all my strands. He was a really lovely doctor and chatted away to me nicely throughout, explaining that skin cancers don't necessarily need sun exposure to form and that (quote) they can pop up anywhere, even where the sun don't shine. What I didn't expect was for him to fucking check there!!! Wow, so right about then, I start praying, I want it over, I will be good forever, please please please. Fuck knows who I was praying to since none of them have ever listened before but I tells ye, I was willing to take a punt.

I was thinking positive, though (as they tell me to) and figured that that would be as bad as it could ever get. I was mostly right. He stumbled across something on my arse that needed attention and so got his special looking glass out and investigated even more closely! So I'm lying there, prone, while a perfect stranger puts his eye to a glass thing on my left cheek like it's a fucking diamond - but best of all (and this is me thinking positive again) was that by then, I didn't give a flying fig when he dug about in my boosies, crotch and armpits for lymph nodes - meh, big deal.

The good news is, nothing he saw concerned him enough to do anything besides send me a reminder letter for another shot next year. Hey, by that time we'll be old mates and maybe I'll feel less violated. The chances aren't great though.

The other good news is that if I can handle that sort of treatment and come out ok, the pap test I've been remiss about will seem like a walk in the park. Another check for another day.