Kick me while I'm down

So H1 saunters over to me just now, holding out his hand, saying "Look Mum. Something on my thumb. There's something on my thumb." I do my maternal duty and act very interested, looking closely and trying hard to work out what it is. I reach out and use my fingernails to try to remove said object from H1's thumb when he says "Ha ha, I got a boogie!"

Well fuck a duck. Just what I needed to add some cheer. I'll admit, I thought he was much too young for such pranks.

Yay for little boys.

Indulge me, ok?

I've replied to a few blogs today and been a little intrigued to see what sort of compilations the Word Verification comes up with.

I'm blue today. Indulge me by replying (with anything you like) and tell me what your Word Verification is/was.

Onwards and upwards...

No dessert for me, thanks

No, I'm not on a diet. I just didn't much feel like it. Why? Well, gee. You be the judge.

This was one of the dessert options at the Japanese restaurant I dined at with friends last night.

What on earth were they thinking?!?

Forgive my atrocious laziness...

... but I stole this one from Melissa who also stole it. ;) Word has it that you bold everything you have done.


1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars.
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited The Great Barrier Reef.
5. Stood under the stars in the outback, the real outback – think Uluru.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to the Gold Coast’s theme parks – anyone, you take your pick.
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sung a solo. Ahh, I belt a heady solo at karaoke bars...
11. Bungee jumped, jumped out of plane, been paragliding or hang-gliding, hot air ballooning – you get the idea, you’ve been hundreds of metres about earth in a seemingly flimsy contraption.
12. Visited Melbourne.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
15. Had a child. Raised a child. Worked with children.
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Been to the Snowy Mountains.
18. Grown your own vegetables.
19. Visited the Brett Whitely studio in Surry Hills, Sydney.
20. Slept on an overnight train or bus. Well, tossed and turned (and whined) anyway.
21. Had a pillow fight. And always in my lingerie!!! :P
22. Been backpacking.
23. Taken a mental health day.
24. Been buried in sand with just your head and toes sticking out. Toes buried too, though.
25. Held a possum, kangaroo or koala – or any other native Australian animal.
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Been in a fun run. Hell no. Fun run is an oxymoron in my world.
28. Been on the Blue Mountain cableway.
29. Seen a total eclipse.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Played, or watched, summer cricket.
32. Sailed, kayaked or canoed our beautiful waterways.
33. Seen the Daintree.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.
35. Visited an Aboriginal settlement or mission.
36. Learned a new language.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Toured the Sydney Opera House.
39. Tried rock climbing (indoor or outdoor), abseiling or just simple bush walking.
40. Visit Queensland’s Gallery of Modern Art.
41. Been to the Tamworth Country Music Festival.
42. Sunbaked at Bondi.
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant.
44. Visited Broome.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted.
48. Gone fishing.
49. Seen Tasmania’s old growth forests.
50. Been to the top of Q1, on the Gold Coast.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theatre.
55. Been in a movie.
56. Driven the Great Ocean Road.
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Norfolk Island.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Guide biscuits.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Got flowers for no reason. Technically "no reason" but surely being me is reason enough? :P
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma.
65. Gone jet boating.
66. Visited Port Arthur.
67. Bounced a cheque.
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favourite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Australian War Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt.
73. Stood in Federation Square.
74. Been on the Murray River.
75. Been fired from a job. Hey, it was one of those mutual decision things. He pissed me off, I bopped him. We agreed it was best if I left. Whaddayagunnado???
76. Travelled, or climbed, over the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
79. Seen the Three Sisters at Echo Point, Katoomba.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited St Mary’s Cathedral, in Sydney.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Been to Hermannsburg.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited Parliament House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox.
89. Saved someone’s life. Does calling the emergency services count or is it a "bare hands" thing?
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous.
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Saved a pet.
95. Been to the site of the Eureka Stockade.
96. Swum in The Whitsundays.
97. Been involved in a lawsuit.
98. Owned a mobile phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.
100. Read an entire book in one day.

Hey Gateway Guy

I'm sitting here now wondering if I did the right thing. How could I ever know? As we headed north across the Gateway Bridge tonight, I looked ahead to see your car, pulled into and stopped in the left hand lane and you, standing upright, alongside the bridge railings. They're high railings and initially you were nowhere near danger. I thought to myself "Fucking schoolies" as we neared your position but in that split second you had managed to pull yourself much higher, so that you were bunched in a heap, right at the top of the bars.

I rubbernecked my way by you and it hit me very suddenly that you were there to do a job. We were almost at the airport by the time the police had taken my details and those I had on you. Strange that I could remember so well what you were wearing, what you'd driven there and even how old you looked. I was able to pinpoint for them which part of the bridge you were on.

Dad and I continued on to the airport to collect Mum, discussing all the while what your situation may have been. As far as we knew, there was still a chance you were clowning about with a car full of friends watching on.

We'd not even fully left the airport grounds when we looked up at the bridge to see it lit up like a Christmas tree; flashing blue and red lights all along the crest. Oh, the nervous feeling in my stomach was overwhelming. I figured we could basically count on you being dead if your car was still there.

We slowed with the rest of the cars nearing the scene and I was amazed (and really glad) at how quickly they'd put together two ambulances, a fire engine, at least five police cars along with some unmarked vehicles too. There, amongst the gathering officers, crouched and gripping the bars from the other side, I saw you. What I felt was near elation; I felt as if I'd saved you with my own hands (which is absolutely ridiculous since you'd yet to be "saved" at that point anyway). How wonderful that they'd reached you in time! But then...

Who was I to put a stop to that? How was it ok for me to step in and change your plan when you were evidently serious enough to have gotten that far in the first place? I know your loved ones would be so relieved, so grateful, but it's not about them, right? I'm so torn. On the one hand I tell myself that tomorrow could be a whole other day for you and you might think "Thank fuck for that chick driving by" but what if it isn't? What if tomorrow is just another day in hell for you; another day of darkness and heartache and sheer distress? Maybe this wasn't even the first time you'd reached such a point and in my interference, I've merely prolonged your misery. I'll never know, either, and already it plagues me. I don't even know if they managed to talk you around or if you did eventually let go. Maybe you're still hanging there, undecided.

I'm so sorry. I hope like hell that you're in somebody's arms right now, being told how beautiful you are and how it is going to be ok. I hope you don't hate me forever and wish I'd merely driven by and left you to it. Forgive me, please; I just couldn't.

No, I really mean it;

Am I the only one who thinks Carl Williams looks remarkably like Ralph Wiggum from The Simpsons?

Just try and deny it.

One down...

So, as most of us do, I have a list of things I absolutely should and need to do. They're those things that you're possibly not fond of, don't have time for, or just plain slip your mind.

On my list for some time has been a full skin check for melanoma/cancer. Wife of one, mother of two, casual working woman = not a lot of spare time; you know the drill... But... My beautiful friend Ellie recently had a bit of a run in with the scalpel and very kindly reminded me of just how important these things are.

Fast forward to today, Fathership and I are booked together because I have issues with being locked in a strange room, alone with a strange man. It's just one of my creep out triggers. I decide to go first because I am very brave and so skulk in wearing my little undies and a bra covered with a wraparound towel. Well, a fat lot of good the towel did me; it was ripped off almost immediately. And as if I didn't feel vulnerable enough, the bloke eyeballing me through a massive magnifying glass with fluorescent light attached didn't do much to lower my blood pressure either.

Oh, did I mention that he started with my head? I'm sitting on the edge of the bed while he stands before me, scratching and mussing my hair about like a fucking chimpanzee! The ol' latex gloves didn't feel too flash either with their rubberness catching all my strands. He was a really lovely doctor and chatted away to me nicely throughout, explaining that skin cancers don't necessarily need sun exposure to form and that (quote) they can pop up anywhere, even where the sun don't shine. What I didn't expect was for him to fucking check there!!! Wow, so right about then, I start praying, I want it over, I will be good forever, please please please. Fuck knows who I was praying to since none of them have ever listened before but I tells ye, I was willing to take a punt.

I was thinking positive, though (as they tell me to) and figured that that would be as bad as it could ever get. I was mostly right. He stumbled across something on my arse that needed attention and so got his special looking glass out and investigated even more closely! So I'm lying there, prone, while a perfect stranger puts his eye to a glass thing on my left cheek like it's a fucking diamond - but best of all (and this is me thinking positive again) was that by then, I didn't give a flying fig when he dug about in my boosies, crotch and armpits for lymph nodes - meh, big deal.

The good news is, nothing he saw concerned him enough to do anything besides send me a reminder letter for another shot next year. Hey, by that time we'll be old mates and maybe I'll feel less violated. The chances aren't great though.

The other good news is that if I can handle that sort of treatment and come out ok, the pap test I've been remiss about will seem like a walk in the park. Another check for another day.

Tagged...

Melissa has tagged me.
Prepare to be bamboozled with some very exciting facts!!! :P

1. Where is your cell phone? On the dining room table.
2. Where is your significant other? Reclining like a sloth chops on the other side of the room. :P
3. Your hair colour? Blonde
4. Your mother? Is a super dooper pessimist. I try not to be like that but alas, I fail often.
5. Your father? Cannot sit still and wigs out when the weather isn't sunny. Really. I also struggle with sitting still even though I'm lazy – go figure!
6. Your favorite thing? Those days that just feel perfect. Little faces I have helped to create, smiling up at me.
7. Your dream last night? A little too strange to go into, actually.
8. Your dream/goal? To live to see my children grow into happy and healthy adults. It's a shocking cliché, but nothing else comes close in importance.
9. The room you're in? Is strewn with toys.
10. Your hobby? Reading, writing and cooking. Oops, that's three. Mostly reading lately.
11. Your fear? Living with eternal heartache.
12. Where do you want to be in six years? I'd like to be focusing on career moves as well as parenthood.
13. Where were you last night? At home, eating Noodle Box noodles that weren't quite cooked properly. Those pricks.
14. What you’re not? Ambitious. Fathership HATES it.
15. One of your wish list items? A more child friendly backyard.
16. Where you grew up? Launceston, Tasmania until age 10 and then Gold Coast, Queensland. Still here.
17. The last thing you did? Ate way too many of those gingerbread flavoured cookies from Aldi – hey, I didn't have a container big enough for them all!
18. What are you wearing? Trackie dacks and a singlet.
19. Your TV? Has some sort of Pommy football (read soccer) stuff on it. Fathership's viewing.
20. Your pet? Two female cats; Spooky and Chops.
21. Your computer? Is my friend. My laptop blew up recently and I'm ashamed to say, it frightened me. I came close to getting a rash, I think.
22. Your mood? Is good. Some breakthroughs have been/are being made with H1 and I'm feeling quite a bit more positive about things.
23. Missing someone? Not really. Everyone I need is right here.
24. Your car? Is frighteningly messy. It also has a big bag for the Vinnie's bin in it that I've resorted to pillaging from these past few days due to unseasonal chilliness hitting us on our travels.
25. Something you’re not wearing? A bra. Thought I'd let the girls out for a while. ;)
26. Favorite store? Let me get back to you on that one.
27. Your summer? Will be spent whining. I prefer the cold.
28. Love someone? Love plenty. I went through some years not loving anyone and so I'm catching up.
29. Your favorite color? Blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? This afternoon. H2 still snorts like a girl possessed and how anyone can pull that face and still reek of gorgeousness is beyond me... And yet, she pulls it off. :)
31. Last time you cried? January. Somebody I loved was finding life too hard and so put a stop to it. The finality of suicide just overwhelms me.

I tag Ellie, Jodie, Jodes, Superbonus and Shannon!

Headline of the Year...

Bet you didn't know I was famous...

Can hardly blame them for wanting to keep me for so long. :P

Oops, I did it again

I really did. I may have mentioned the foot in mouth thing before. It got me again today.

Wandering through the shoe section of Myer to check out this latest, kind of frightening fascination with "gladiator" sandals/shoes, I came to a particularly eye catching display. Now I've seen some nasty shoes in my day but these were almost difficult to touch; they made me visibly cringe.

Another browser (of similar age to me, I suppose) appeared at the other side of the table and tilted her head from side to side, taking in the different styles. I looked at her, with a smirk and said "Ugh, hideous, aren't they?" to which she replied with nothing. Instead, she just walked around the table to where I was standing... WEARING A FUCKING PAIR!!!

Oh yes indeed. Granted, she didn't yet own them but let's be honest, she was only minutes away. I didn't even attempt to save my arse. Sometimes the hole just gets deeper.

Ten points, Ma!

Thanks for the encouragement today Mum; I really needed it.

I know you'd be sitting back at home now, marvelling at your ability to really tell me what-for. You'd be beating your chest and very likely ranting to Dad about how I only got upset because "it was the truth".

Well, you can sound the loser buzzer, Ma. That is not why I walked out. Yes, it most definitely was the truth (but I know it all already). I was hurt because you are my mother and I believe your primary role in life is to support me and back me up when I struggle. At those things, I'm sorry to say, you just failed.

Happy Father's Day

For tomorrow, Fathership, I wish you a happy day, year, and of course, life. With us!

Thank you for being a wonderfully kind, fun, loving and dedicated man. We are lucky - and I was most impressively clever to choose you to procreate with.

We love you.

Oh how I love her

I am just consumed.

As I hold her sleeping form against my chest, I am overwhelmed with the need to protect her. I squeeze her in to me, as tightly as I dare without waking her. I look to the future and hope, wish, pray that she will confide in me and allow me to continue my protection.

She is a comical soul and has the warmest brown eyes; so unlike my own very pale blue. I could just look at her all day long and sometimes, I do. Did I ever expect to love like this? Could I have known my heart would swell so much it's barely contained within my chest? The fatigue, the stress, the worry... it's nothing really, not when I have her.

Ahh, I'd like to stop the clock, just for a short while. I'm not ready for her to change quite yet. I love the tenacity she displays trying to walk a little before she's really ready. I'm in awe of the physical strength her perfect body displays. I delight in the adoration she has for her boisterous big brother; he's too young yet to know the magnitude of this bond.

How on earth did I get something so right?

Just when you thought boring old cheesecake was your fave dessert...

Along comes...

...drumroll please...

Mmm mmm, order me a boxful!

My mother

She has a real fucking knack of making me feel a million bucks.

Not.

A terror but still mighty cute

H1 was watching the Olympic high diving just now and as the two girls backed up to the end of the board, he leaned forward with real urgency and said "Be careful!"

Too sweet and really, such grown up advice from a boy not yet three.

Understatement of the Day

"He really is a terror."

(Fathership, in reference to H1.)

I'd had a whole bunch of other nouns circling 'round my head.

Tag-a-rama

I have been tagged by two peeps so far; Ellie and http://hissychick.com/ - hey hissy, I don't think I know your name!

Here are the rules ...

1. Link to the person who “tagged” you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know your entry is up.


So here goes...

1. I have a shockingly good memory. For example, I know the lyrics to pretty much every song that's been written since about the 1950's. Not just the choruses either but the versus too; each and every one of them! Fathership spins right out and laments that I should be using my powers for something more useful than karaoke - meh, what does he know?!?

2. Both of my knees have rather large and kind of "lightning" shaped scars on them. Let's just blame a misspent youth for now, shall we?

3. I was an insomniac for most of my childhood and well into my late twenties. Nobody believed me - including my parents. It took my mum's stumbling upon my books and books of writing and poetry (all timed and dated) for her to take notice of what I'd been telling her. Regrettably even she couldn't convince our family doctor that I was suffering and he refused to prescribe any medication for "someone so young". I never went back to him again.

4. I have a history of going out with wankers and arseholes. Not sure what that's all about but there you go. I tell myself they were "for practice" and that because of them, I can now really appreciate the fabulous man I chose to marry. If I'd not experienced such shitheads, maybe I'd just assume all men were great. They're not.

5. I love to cook. As a mother of two, I don't quite get the opportunity I'd like to partake in my hobby but I really do enjoy throwing things together to create deliciousness.

6. I am lazy. Doing nothing is my favourite thing to do - or not do, as it were. It doesn't happen often nowadays but yay for lying about like a sloth!

Disclaimer: I cannot tag anyone for, alas, every single chappy I know in Blogland has been tagged! Hey, I followed all the other rules!

He's a Sensitive New Age Guy...

My H1, ever the SNAG, is not afraid of housework.

This morning, upon spilling a very large noodle bowl filled with sloppy Weet Bix and milk all over my white kitchen tiles, he proceeded to mop it up for me...

...using my brand spanking new, pale green, fluffy feather duster.

It's not so fluffy anymore.