So yesterday I was 50% child free (that means one is at kindy, for those of you playing at home) and so a prime time for some retail therapy. H2 took it upon herself to behave like an absolute champion and frankly, I was walking on sunshine! I got to actually browse and play about as opposed to my usual snatch and grab purchasing efforts.
Headed straight for one of my fave stores and relished the opportunity to spend some hardcore quality time coveting the goods. They had hairbands that I just knew would be a glorious tool to hide my hair - I don't have bad hair days; I'm living a bad hair life - but could not decide on a colour. I tried them all on, doing my best to choose one that might just go with everything (we are on a budget, after all) and had decided on one neutral enough to wear with most things.
I take it to the counter to pay and once the cashier performs the requisite "Hey, whatcha doin', how's your day been?" bullshit, she says, ever so nicely "Umm, I saw you trying them on and, like, did you know they're actually tops?" Well fuck me, common sense would dictate that if I did, in fact, know that, I would have been wrapping them around my breasts rather than my fucking head, little girl - that's what I wanted to say. What I said instead though, was "Well, like, der. But as if I'm gonna conform and do just what you think I should do with them!" (along with putting on my best ever Kylie Mole face). That stumped her; knocked her for an absolute six. She looked confused as hell and I thanked the good Lord for providing me with such vacuous teenage service.
"Ok... Cool. I was just checking" she says as she bags up my purchase. I turn on my heel and walk outta there with my head held high - taking comfort in the fact that she'll probably head out tonight with one wrapped 'round her noggin too.
Ahh, all in a day's work.
I'll take it back next week.
Headed straight for one of my fave stores and relished the opportunity to spend some hardcore quality time coveting the goods. They had hairbands that I just knew would be a glorious tool to hide my hair - I don't have bad hair days; I'm living a bad hair life - but could not decide on a colour. I tried them all on, doing my best to choose one that might just go with everything (we are on a budget, after all) and had decided on one neutral enough to wear with most things.
I take it to the counter to pay and once the cashier performs the requisite "Hey, whatcha doin', how's your day been?" bullshit, she says, ever so nicely "Umm, I saw you trying them on and, like, did you know they're actually tops?" Well fuck me, common sense would dictate that if I did, in fact, know that, I would have been wrapping them around my breasts rather than my fucking head, little girl - that's what I wanted to say. What I said instead though, was "Well, like, der. But as if I'm gonna conform and do just what you think I should do with them!" (along with putting on my best ever Kylie Mole face). That stumped her; knocked her for an absolute six. She looked confused as hell and I thanked the good Lord for providing me with such vacuous teenage service.
"Ok... Cool. I was just checking" she says as she bags up my purchase. I turn on my heel and walk outta there with my head held high - taking comfort in the fact that she'll probably head out tonight with one wrapped 'round her noggin too.
Ahh, all in a day's work.
I'll take it back next week.
6 comments:
oh man we are getting old aren't we.
pmsl! I wish I was that quick thinking with witty retorts to moronic sales assistants! (well to anyone really).
Good one.
Hey, I had to save face - an uber worthy cause! ;P
This would have to be the funniest post I have read thus far this year. Love your work.
I hate teenage shop assistants, esepcially when they call me ma'am. I once told a particularly annoying one to not be too cocky as this was her future and she'd better hope that maxi dresses were back again in time to hide her post baby gut.
And what size flipping breasts were they supposed to cover?
Thank you for bringing a much needed smile to my face. I feel better now :)
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