Who would I turn gay for?

Tagged by ellie

Easy peasy. Keira Knightley. Let me get one thing straight though - if you'll pardon the pun. I had the hots for her back in the Bend It Like Beckham days; I'm not much digging this current waify, sultry, pouty and posy look.

Here's the girl I mean:

Thanks for the strange blog "material" ellie!

I probably wont give up my day job

It occurred to me this morning that H1 doesn't appear to know any songs. I decided it was my parental duty to have him belting one out by day's end. I thought Twinkle Little Star seemed a good choice; he loved it as a baby... I thought wrong.

As I struck up the tune, his little face distorted into what could only be described as discomfort; he really did look ill. Not one to be easily discouraged, I persisted, expecting he might join in at some stage. Unfortunately, the nearer to the end I got, the sicker he looked until he covered his ears and said "Noooo Mummy. Noooo more. I sorry!"

Gee, way to boost a girl's confidence. I'll have him know that the last time I did karaoke, I was encored! He suffers from an utter lack of appreciation for the finer things, clearly.

As far as I'm concerned, he can just spend the rest of his days songless. He doesn't know what he's missing.

2 year old

+ silence
= trouble

Need I say more?

Shedding hmmm?

Whoever saw fit to describe menses as the shedding of the uterine lining is a FUCKHEAD - and absolutely must be male! Shedding?! Now come on! Show some respect please. That makes it sound all pleasant-like; as if it just floats on down - ever so gently - through one's cervix.

BULLSHIT!!! I'm not fooled medicos. No way, no how. I am all too aware of the bug-eyed gremlins inhabiting my uterus, wearing soccer boots and hacking away at me with ice picks.

Shedding, from here on in, shall be known as hacking and it's not up for discussion.

H1 is eating peas

Frozen ones. Who am I to judge? He asked for them and since they are a vegetable, I am rapt. Even better, the iciness is probably soothing his molar teething. It's a win/win situation really.

Yippee for Charlie and Lola! (H1 thinks he's nibbling on "Green Drops" you see.)

My God, I sound insane.

I am on the brink today, you know.

I beg your pardon?

Hey there big, impressive highschool boy. Thought I'd best mention that I do not much fancy being called a MILF. I know, I know, you probably thought you were being rather complimentary but, as you will hopefully learn in time, we women like the simpler, more old fashioned kindnesses - things like "You look great!" or even just a smile and a hello. To call a woman a MILF is essentially just letting her know that you might like to pump your penis into her repeatedly and let's face it, that would make us no better than your sweaty, grimy little palm.